


Something Blue

by lostinnowhereland



Series: Pain Is... [2]
Category: One Direction, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, First Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Heartbreak, M/M, Making Love, Minor Character Death, Past Relationship(s), Pining, Requited Love, Secret Relationship, Singing, Smut, Smut and Fluff, Song Lyrics, Stolen Moments, Temporary Amnesia, True Love, Wedding, minor characters - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-29
Updated: 2014-06-24
Packaged: 2018-01-27 00:40:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1708571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostinnowhereland/pseuds/lostinnowhereland
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mercy still screams herself hoarse in the middle of the night, remembering the dark past that Louis finally knows about.  The only difference?  He's not there anymore.</p><p>The love of her life was ripped away by one measly little announcement just hours before they were to tell their parents about their relationship.  Forced apart by a cruel twist of fate, they may never find the happiness they had in their grasps for but a moment.</p><p>It's chaos, madness, jealousy, and more than a little heartbreak.  When tragedy abounds, all bets are off.  With this rollercoaster of a love life, a bit of Harry Styles thrown into the mix, and a sudden change in the game, who knows if Mercy and Louis will find their happily ever after.  Especially when they're about to become step siblings.  Can you hear the bells?</p><p>Sequel to Something Borrowed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, I'm pretty sure this is going to be significantly shorter than the first one. Maybe around 10k tops. I'm not sure. I was actually thinking about turning it into a one shot, but I think I have enough of a story to tell for chapters.
> 
> It's going to be told primarily from Mercy's POV. And it isn't as day by day as the first one is, hence the shorter length of the story. This is mostly going to be told by the most significant parts of their lives and what happens to them. Just to try and convey the atmosphere. I don't know, I'm tired. You get the point, it's going to be told by the moments that I feel like writing. Let's go with that.
> 
> I don't know how often I'll update but I'm hoping for once a week.

_ **Preface** _

 

_**Mercy's POV:** _

_**"Is it pathetic that I wish we were them?" I asked, eyes tracking the movement of our parents as they swooped across the floor. Those dancing lessons really paid off.** _

_**"No, I've wished from the moment they announced the engagement that we could be in their places," he sighed, just the barest sliver of an inch away from touching me.** _

_**I fought the urge to lean back into him like I had done so many times before, to feel the way that his strong arms contracted as he held me tight. It was a struggle when all I wanted was to be enveloped in his arms, tipping my head back against his shoulder as we swayed to the slow melody the band played. My entire body was trembling with the need to touch, to feel, as I stayed paralyzed where I was.** _

_**"Are you saying you want to marry me Louis Tomlinson?" I asked dazedly, turning my head ever so slightly, able to catch the way that his blue eyes watered a bit, glassy and slightly unfocused.** _

_**"Yes," he replied simply, inhaling sharply at the admission and the way that his voice broke.** _

_**My breath hitched in my throat, "If only we could have that." I wanted it. I wanted it so bad. I wanted him. The aching in my chest throbbed violently as it called for the heart that'd been torn from it mere months ago.** _

_**"We have tonight, darling," Louis whispered, finally reaching out to slip a warm hand over my hip and plastering himself to my back.** _

_**I shivered, goosebumps breaking out over my skin as his hot breath ghosted over my neck. I could feel his erratic pulse as his heart beat in tandem with mine. Just as it always had. I sighed and let myself melt into my ex boyfriend, my new step brother, for just a moment, letting his love wash over me as we breathed each other in.** _

　

 

**_Prologue_ **

_You want to know what pain is? Pain is etched into every little piece of my shattered heart. It's the throb of my pulse beneath my skin, and the shaky gasp of air that I take to fill my tired lungs._

_Pain is the knowledge that I purged every single word of my agonized soul onto paper, every letter written in my own crimson blood. It's the way that the wounds inflicted upon my battered body gushed the turmoil and angst along with that blood._

_No longer will pain ever be the sting of the cuts on my wrists but the broken bits and pieces of myself. The self that has become but a distant memory, shrouded in the haze of lies and hurt and utter hopelessness._

　

 

**Chapter 1**

 

Mercy's POV:

You want to know who I am? You want to know my secrets, the lies I've told, the people I've loved? You want to know how I've loved? All the pain that I've been through, everything I've experienced? Yeah, so do I.

I'm fighting to find my way out of the darkness that I'm drowning in. It used to be blue, blue eyes as fathomless as the sea that forced the air out of my lungs. Now it was the absence of them as I stared up at the ceiling of my room. The room that had been devoid of any warmth except mine when it used to be filled with two hearts beating as one, two people entwined with one another.

I've lost myself in the loneliness that has taken the place of happiness. I can't find the will to do much more than robotically move through the day. If I stop to think, if I don't keep moving I'll sink. I'll fall further, the raging fire that was the excrutiating sting of losing the love of my life would end up eating me alive, burning me up from the inside out with an aching intensity.

Every time I think about the night Uncle David announced his engagment, all I can see is the pained, pinched look on Louis's face, the hard set of his jaw, and the iciness of his eyes. All I could see was his face when he told me that we had to break up, we had to let them be happy.

I knew that it was the right thing to do. To let our parents get married without scarring their consciences with the knowledge they were tearing Louis and I apart. I owed Uncle David and Jay more than I could ever hope to repay anyways. I couldn't ask them to sacrifice their love for mine.

What I couldn't convince my heart of was to stop pulsing along to the beat of Louis's. I couldn't stop my eyes from wandering over to him, to catch his eye and try to share a secret smile. My body was so attuned to Louis's, so used to him that it felt like I'd lost one of my limbs. I could still feel it, still feel the pain, the sharp, gut wrenching scream that threatened to rip itself from my lungs at the phantom sensation.

I ached to touch him, yearned to be near him, to just feel the brush of his lips against my cheek, the caress of his thumb over my wrist. My heart was slashed through, gushing desire and need and emptiness. So much emptiness. So much lonliness, lying in bed alone, trying to find the faded scent of Louis that had desperately clung to the pillows and sheets. The one that I buried my face in when I woke up screaming in the middle of the night.

The worst part is that he didn't even really leave. He's always there, hovering just outside of my reach, being dangled in front of me with all his wondorous glory. We were both just so tired, so exhausted. Bags under our eyes, pale faces, rumpled clothes. Everyone could tell something was wrong, something was different.

Our parents chalked it up to anxiety due to the coming wedding. It was only about two months away. A near impossible feat, but apparently it was going to happen before Lou and I graduated along with some of our friends. Lottie was ecstatic about being a bridesmaid along with Fizzy while the twins talked non stop about how they were going to be flower girls.

I was the maid of honor. Louis was the best man.

******

"No, that note's wrong," Harry insisted, brow furrowed and lips pursed. I shook my head and erased the offending half note and delicately changing it with a sigh, scrubbing a hand over my face.

I was exhausted. I hadn't gotten a decent night's sleep in, fuck, I didn't even know. All the days were blurring together, becoming one giant misery fest.

"How's that?" I asked, turning the music sheet back towards him.

"Good, yeah, I think that'll work. Just gotta talk to Niall about it," he agreed, tapping a pencil, rhythmically against the piano we were sat at.

Not long after the wedding announcement, when I was simultaneously trying to not have a panic attack and kiss Louis for all I was worth, Jay had asked me to not only be the maid of honor, but to also sing at the reception. It was kind of like their wedding present from me, writing them a song. But I couldn't arrange for shit, and Harry was the best in the music program.

I stared blankly at the pages in front of me, staring at words that I didn't mean, that I couldn't believe. It was full of happiness, light hearted love, not the dark, twisty pain that writhed in my chest. I inhaled sharply, quickly packing up and making my excuses to Harry, getting as far away from the music room as I could.

I stopped dead in my tracks when I finally reached my room, the one place I'd been able to consistently sit still in. There he was, all laid out and perfect on my bed, facing away from the door like it was the most natural thing in the world.

I nearly dropped my things, tempted to actually faint with a sickening thud as I drank in Louis's stretched form. The tautness of his muscles, the way that they flexed underneath his clothes when he shifted, always a restless one. I cautiously stepped forward, dropping my stuff on my desk, quietly moving into Louis's line of sight, wondering if I should say anything or not.

It's just... There was so much unspoken, hanging in the air. 'I love you', 'I want you', **_'I miss you'_**. I could taste the regret, the wishful thinking, the **_hurt_** that was drenching the atmosphere.

"How's the writing going with **_Harry_**?" Louis asked softly, eyes still staring unseeingly out the window as he nearly spat our friend's name.

"Awful," I whispered, hesitantly approaching the bed.

He didn't even flinch when I sat down. Instead his hand slid over mine, fingers curling in a loose grip that screamed 'I'm sorry'. I didn't have to guess to know what he meant.

"Can't say I'm surprised," Lou shrugged coldly.

This is how he was now. He practically snarled at Harry every time he so much as talked to me nowadays. It was hot, the possessiveness. But misplaced even at the best of times. Harry and I had no interest in each other. Louis didn't see it that way. It was just a way for him to let his frustration out.

"Yeah, well, I'm tired," I replied slowly, sluggishly, as if Harry had somehow possessed my body.

I was. I was exhausted, drained, defeated. There was nothing I could do or say to fix the self imposed rift between me and Louis. Nothing short of breaking our parents up. There was always a way before. Always some loop hole that we wriggled through to get out of trouble, to find our way back to each other, first as friends. But now, as...whatever we were, there was no way out. Not any way that I could see at least.

"Me too, love," Louis murmured, vivid blue eyes fluttering shut as his grip on my hand tightened.

******

"I'm supposed to be telling you that we have to go to a fitting," Louis informed me as lightly as possible, breath ghosting over the back of my neck in a shiver inducing carelessness that had me curling in on myself.

He was standing behind me, fingers carefully curved over my shoulder, thumb teasingly grazing over my throat as we stared at each other's reflections in the bathroom attached to my room. Electric blue eyes were boring into my hazel ones, Louis's caramel locks falling messily over his forehead before they were flipped jerkily to the side.

I nodded, reaching up to brush our fingertips together as the aching need to turn around and let him devour me in a frantic kiss grew. It was all I **_could_** do. It was all I was **_allowed_** to do. Look. Never touch in anyway that future siblings wouldn't. Don't hold hands, don't kiss, don't make love, don't do anything but pine and wish and wallow.

"You're supposed to?" I asked instead, swallowing thickly and letting my hand drop to my side, already missing the faint contact.

Louis's palm was warm and soft where it was on my shoulder, prickles of heat spreading throughout my body and lighting my heart up like a Christmas tree, but it wasn't enough. None of these stolen moments, ones where we could just be together, pretending like we didn't ~~want~~ **_need_** more than what we were getting, would be enough.

"Yeah," Louis confirmed, pressing closer until he was dropping his chin onto my shoulder, burying his nose in my hair and his arms were sliding around me, tightening. I sunk into his embrace, reveling in the moment. We'd been so good. For weeks we'd avoided even doing this.

I clawed at his wrists trying to get him to wrap me up even more, wishing I could enfold myself in his arms forever. We just stood there, desperately clinging to each other, eyes closed and every ounce of our unspoken emotions emanating in waves until we were spilling hundreds of secrets all at once in a barrage of soundless noise.

Feverish lips were on my neck, just resting there in the world's most heartbreaking tease. They wouldn't do anything, not like they used to. I wouldn't have any marks to hide from our friends and family, nothing that I could push my fingers into and feel the pleasurable sting in rememberance. No, those thin, pink lips, the ones that had been on nearly every inch of my body, would stay in place, holding back the love that could be bitten into skin. The love that I craved so fiercely it was barely containable.

I understood. We were **_supposed_** to be leaving. We _**weren't** _ supposed to be standing there looking like idiots who never wanted to let go of each other, like we would fly apart in a million pieces if we willed ourselves to pry our hands off of the other. We weren't **_supposed_** to be so in love that the very thought of not being able to touch, or even look, was agonizing, positively devastating.

We didn't know how to be without each other, Louis and I. From the start we were always together, the best of friends. Without one another we were comically lost, almost to the point of pathetic. Like we actually were one person split in two by a meddling god. We operated as a unit, a team from a young age. Force wedge between that and everything else starts to crumble. **_We_** start to crumble. Just like we were right then in that bathroom, where the only thing holding us together was the other person.

******

We slipped up. It was such a simple thing, something that shouldn't have triggered anything but it did. For some reason it reminded us of that night. The night that Louis and I went to Winter Formal together, the night that he started a food fight, ruined all the hard work I'd done and almost destroyed my dress. The night that we'd had our first "fight" and discovered the joys of makeup sex.

Sitting in a fancy changing room while Jay tried to corral the twins and we all tried on our formal attire. It was when I walked out, wearing a long, flowing dress made of a midnight blue and Louis looked up from where he was lounging in his tux, tapping away on his phone.

Like a scene in a movie, the way our eyes met and I bit my lip nervously, trying to contain my excitement. The way that his piercing blue eyes were fixed on me and the way that his tongue flicked out to lick over his bottom lip. It wasn't hungry, just, longing.

It was the greatest kind of tunnel vision, everything forgotten. It wasn't like anyone was paying attention anyways. Lottie and Fizzy were arguing over the styles of dresses they wanted while Daisy and Phoebe were pouting about the ruffled dresses they were forced into. Uncle David and Jay were sneaking glances and winks, trying to coax the twins into being more cooperative. It was still disconcerting, the way that they acted around each other when Louis and I were restraining ourselves from doing the exact same thing.

It took five steps, five fucking steps for Louis to have crowded me back into the dressing room, locking the door behind us. It took two seconds for us to converge on each other, for my back to pressed to the wall and Louis's lips to be on mine, tongue pushing urgently into my mouth.

My fingers were tangled in his hair, yanking and tugging as Louis pinned me there, hands frantically roaming over my body through the silky dress, no doubt wrinkling it a bit. But I didn't care. I didn't care at all because his mouth was enveloping mine and our tongues were curling, pulsing sensually, not fighting for dominance. No, we were too gone for that, we were just taking whatever we could get from the other.

I was just basking in the way that Louis licked into my mouth slowly, the heat dissapating until it was the gentle glide of lips slotting together. It was just as wonderful, just as passionate to feel the way that his muscled body encompassed me, the way that his tongue was massaging over mine, was thoroughly exploring my mouth, probing expertly in a way that was causing goosebumps to spread in shivers across my skin.

Louis earnestly swallowed all the needy whimpers that tumbled past my lips before he was raking his teeth over my lower one, teasingly, carefully, soothing the pain with the tongue that I eagerly sucked, earning a low groan.

A high pitched shriek and a low curse startled us out of the desperate haze of love, wreching us apart, panting. Our faces were mere inches apart, Louis's hands cupping my cheeks, thumbs skimming over them. He ducked his head, ever so softly, so sweetly brushing my lips with his, claiming my mouth, chasing away any other taste with his own.

He stepped back, listening for any sign of inhabitants besides us before leaving without a word. My eyes squeezed shut against the burning tears that had sprung forth as I slid down the wall and buried my face in my hands, willing myself not to cry. That was one thing that I refused to do. I'd made myself a promise early on, I couldn't cry. I wasn't **_allowed_** to cry. Louis and I, we had borrowed each other until, like a book at the library, we had to return the other person.

I licked my lips, savoring the taste of him before I took a shaky, rattling breath and got up, needing to get out of that fucking dress.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I take forever. But here's the second chapter. Hope you like it :).

Liam's POV:

I got the call when I was with Zayn. Then again, I was always with Zayn when he wasn't with Mercy. But that wasn't the point. The point was, I got the call. A call from a sobbing Mercy, telling me about the car accident, the one that Louis had been in while driving home after a fitting or summat.

We rushed to the hospital as fast as we could, finding the broken girl curled in on herself in a chair. Where was the rest of the family? But she looked up when she heard our footsteps and I could just barely hold back the gasp that was trying to fight it's way out of my throat.

Tears streaked down her deathly pale cheeks. I hadn't seen her complexion so pallid since she was the one in the hospital a few years ago, but it was then when I noticed just how torn apart she was by what she and Louis were forced to hide, forced to surrender. She was proper broken, snapped clean in two and my own chest tightened in sympathy.

Zayn's grip on my hand turned vice like before he was hurrying to Mercy, wrapping the small girl up in his arms as she clenched his shirt in her fist. I sat on her other side, firmly hugging both of them to me, wishing there was some way I could take the pain away. I was worried about Louis. I was worried about Mercy. I was worried for my friends, the ones that couldn't bear to live without the other so they dealt with the torment of seeing each other every day just because it would kill them to not be able to just look.

It was then that her father came up to us, looking almost as tired as his daughter as he rubbed his eyes. She gazed up at him anxiously as he explained that Louis had some memory loss, a case of temporary amnesia but that he was otherwise fine, just having gotten hit on the head pretty hard.

That's when she crumpled in on herself, retreating so far that something started to go out in her eyes. Hope. The tears stopped and she just sat silent in her seat, one hand still clutching Zayn's shirt and the other curled around my wrist.

******

It was two days later when the doctors said that it would be okay for us to try and jog his memory. Mercy was still sat in the same seat she was in when Zayn and I first arrived at the hospital. She was just...stagnant.

Zayn took her hand and led her to Louis's room. As far as I knew, she hadn't been in to see him since the accident. And what she was met with, was **_not_** okay. Louis's family was there. Whatever. Fine. Eleanor was there, fawning over her ex boyfriend and he was eating it up. Though he looked slightly confused, Louis wasn't fighting the slight affection Eleanor was cautiously bestowing upon him.

I felt and saw Mercy tense, saw the way that her eyes flashed and her lips thinned as her eyes hardened. The light that she'd lost had slowly started to come back but now it was replaced with anger.

"Mercy!" Louis cheered, with a bright, clueless smile. He seemed fine to me.

Which, for all intents and purposes, he was. The only reason he was still there was because he still wasn't sure what had happened the past few months. It was a pretty big shock for him when he was told that he had the date wrong and his mum was getting married to Mercy's father.

Mercy didn't say anything for a long time. She just stood there, teeth gritted as she gave him a withering look that rivaled my own mum's. People slowly started to filter out, sensing the stiff way that Mercy hesitantly stepped further into the room.

Soon it was just me, Zayn, Louis and Eleanor, the adults having mumbled something about going to the cafeteria and taking the younger kids with them. I was sure that Louis needed to be alone with her- with Mercy. But Eleanor was firmly staying by his side, sitting on bed with him.

"Get. the. fuck. out." Mercy hissed threateningly, eyes narrowed menacingly.

Honestly, I would have cowered if that glare was directed at me. Eleanor just turned her nose up and crossed her arms.

"What the hell's wrong with you?" Lou asked, brow furrowing.

"Zayn, please, get her out of here. I haven't slept in two fucking days. I've barely eaten and I'm not above punching the bitch in the face. Really, I'm not," Mercy ground out, entire body vibrating with rage.

Eleanor had to be practically dragged out by me and Zayn. Mercy was standing in a corner, facing away from the scene. It would've been funny had I not known how frustrating it must have been to be kept away from the one person you loved more than anything else and then have them forget all about the way they felt about you.

I looked over at Zayn as we waited patiently for Mercy to come out of the hospital room, thanking every higher power there might have been out there that we didn't have to go through that.

 

 

Mercy's POV:

"What was that all about? Honestly, have you gone mad?" Louis inquired.

"You know what hurts the most about this whole thing? It's that you don't remember what happened between us. You have no memory of anything that made me the happiest I've ever been in my entire life or how it was taken away from us when we finally thought that we could finally have everything," I whispered instead, still as far away as I could get from Lou, as far away I could get from reality and still see the way that his expression shifted into one of deep thought.

"Tell me?" he requested softly. He was giving me that look, the one where his eyes shone with fond and love, the one that had my fury evaporating as quickly as it came. It wasn't his fault.

"Maybe it's better if I didn't. At least then only one of us will be miserable," I murmured.

I wanted him to know. It wasn't gone, the love that was there. I could see it in the way that he looked at me, but if he didn't remember then he wouldn't have to be in pain. He wouldn't have to hurt like this anymore. He wouldn't have to experience that burning agony accompanying every breath not taken together. Or the violent storm that raged inside, rearranging organs until there was a heart in my throat and a sinking feeling deep in the pit of my stomach. He wouldn't have to be eaten alive by a secret that we were forced to keep.

"Mercy," Louis insisted gently, holding his hand out.

I jerked forward, slipping my hand into his, the familiarity sending shocks through me. I melted into him, rolling onto my side and curling gratefully under Louis's arm, throwing my own over his torso. He held me close, cradling me to his chest and nosing at my temple.

"What happened, love? What am I missing? I just... I feel like there's a hole in my memory. Something really important happened and I can't remember. I'm trying so hard and I feel so empty without it, I just- I can't. Please?" he begged an edge to his voice just before it broke and he swallowed audibly, nudging me with his nose.

Louis's fingers laced through mine on his stomach and I broke down. I had cried so much when I found out. I thought that the worst thing was when our parents announced their engagment. The worst thing was when I thought that Louis might die, when I thought that he wouldn't be in my life even as my favorite torture. It was just this paralyzing fear.

But now I was crying for us, crying for what we'd lost even when I had promised myself I wouldn't. I couldn't help it anymore. I avoided thinking about what had happened, everything that we shared, it was too painful. And now I was being asked to recount our relationship and it would be excrutiating. But I would do anything for Louis, anything to give him what he wanted. I just didn't know how to go about it.

"I want to tell you. I want this to all be okay, for us to be able to do what we want but I don't know how. Everything is just so messed up," I sighed, sniffling and nuzzling further into his neck for moment, breathing Louis in before I finally sat up, keeping our fingers entwined.

"Just tell me something, anything that could help," Louis pleaded.

I wanted to climb into his lap so badly. I wanted to just- I couldn't think of how to explain. How do you tell someone they're in love with you? How do you describe your first time together, the night that you gave them your virginity? Or better yet, how do you tell them about the night they finally found out about your past? The story that I couldn't bear to choke out again.

"Louis, will you be my Danny?" I inquired. I didn't really expect anything from that. I didn't expect him to remember, but it was the only thing that I could think of. The only thing I could bear uttering.

"What're you on about?" Louis laughed, the bright crinkly eyed smile spreading across his face, the one that I hadn't seen in so long.

"Nothing, just something you said to me," I shrugged, pausing to take a shuddering breath, air rattling shakily through my lungs, "I can't tell you, Lou. It might kill me. I need you to remember by yourself and I'm really sorry, but I have no idea how to tell you about the most incredible few weeks of my life. And the fact that you have no idea at all what's happened, it would sound so unbelievable to you. Just, I'll be your Sandy, if you be my Danny. And I love you. So much."

I slid off the bed as his face fell and I headed for the door. I wasn't strong enough, and what was worse? I couldn't be what he needed.

******

"You're acting like a proper loon you know that right? He's going to remember eventually and then he's going to be pissed you didn't tell him," Zayn scoffed, taking a long drag of his cigarette.

"As horrible as it sounds, it's better this way. It doesn't hurt him. **_I'm_** not hurting him, Zayn. This is familiar, it's like we never told each other we loved each other. I have my best friend back. This past month has been utter hell, pretending that I didn't want to be with him every second. Now-" I stopped.

I knew I was crazy, I knew it was selfish but Louis seemed to be getting along just fine. He was the happiest I'd seen him in what felt like forever. It hurt, it felt like every time he looked through the deep, meaningful smiles I sent his way, he was rejecting me. But he was happy.

"Now it's like it was before, me being hopelessly in love with him and pining away. I'll never regret any of it. But, **_he's happy_** ," I replied, furiously scribbling out a line in the notebook I'd been jotting down some lyrics in.

There wasn't much time left before the wedding and I still wasn't exactly sure about what I had. Harry and I were both getting more than a little frustrated with each other. What we had was fine, and he liked it. But it didn't feel right. It didn't feel like me and Louis. That was the problem though wasn't it? There was no me and Louis, there was **_never_** going to be a me and Louis.

"I get it, like. I do, but don't be a martyr Mercy. He still loves you but now he's even more confused because before he hadn't realized it yet," Zayn pointed out, pouty lips pursing as he tried to blow smoke rings.

I sighed, angrily kicking at a rock that had gotten underfoot. He was right. I didn't know what to do though. It wasn't up to me to decided what was best for Louis. The thing was, he couldn't make the decision himself.

******

I woke up screaming, my throat raw from the tears that I'd been unwittingly shedding and the strangled shouts. It seemed to be happening more and more without Lou. I just sat there, having jerked upright, pressing my hand to my slightly sweaty forehead, ruffling my hair and hunching over.

I jumped, startled when a gentle hand slid over my back, rubbing in soothing circles. I turned to look at Louis, tipping my head back as he knealt down next to me on the bed, slowly lowering himself until he was sitting. His other hand came up to cradle my cheek, thumb softly stroking over the skin.

Blue eyes sparkled even in the dark of my room, the light of a full moon filtering through the window and casting a pale glow upon his perfectly carved face. I whined lightly, pathetically, grasping at his wrist as Louis leaned down enough to capture my lips with his. I let out a dry sob, whimpering against his mouth as he gathered me up in his arms so I was sat between his legs before his lips broke away from mine, trailing to my neck to kiss the tender spot just below my ear.

I curled up in his arms, burying my face in his neck, so similar to the night that I finally told him about what happened to me when I was young. I clung to him, fisting his shirt in my hand. But...he...Louis kissed me. He kissed me. He wasn't supposed to remember anything.

I peered up at him questioningly, curiosity winning out over exhaustion. His hand slipped under my shirt, fingers lightly tracing over my bare back. It was my thing, the one that Louis knew I loved. Before the accident.

"The first time we kissed I thought my heart was going to explode out of my chest. I thought it was just the excitement like. But then, when I realized that I was in love with you, it just hit me. I don't know, it wasn't one moment. It was a culmination of moments that made me realize I couldn't live without you, that I the thing that I had been missing all along was really right in front of me.

"The first time we made love, I finally felt complete. I finally felt right because I had you, and you loved me. And I will always be the Danny to your Sandy, my love. Even if my fucked up brain tries to trick me into forgetting how much I love you. Thing is; it couldn't. You are every part of me, and it was so fucking confusing to wake up and be in love with you when all I could remember is still being with Eleanor," Louis breathed into my neck, lips brushing over my skin as he did.

I was practically shivering from the closeness and I burrowed further into his chest, breathing in his heady scent.

"You remember," I sighed tiredly, loosening my clenched fist and letting it slip to his stomach, his abs flexing under my touch.

"Yeah, darling. I remember," he assured me, smoothing my hair back and reverently kissing my forehead.

"I miss you. Miss being able to sleep next to you. So tired," I mumbled, a drawn out yawn escaping.

"Me too, love. Sleep now. I've got you. Always got you, yeah?" he murmured, readjusting us so we were both lying down, curled together.

"Don't want to wake up and have you gone," I slurred, drunk on his mere presence and the looming unconsciousness.

"I'll be right here. Never gonna leave you," Louis promised, hand still blazing a path over my back as I nodded and lifted my head to press a lingering kiss to his lips.

It wasn't something we were allowed to do anymore, kiss and touch and sleep. But we did. It was irresistable, the pull that kept dragging us together no matter how we tried to resist it.

The last thought before I was finally dead to the world were that it was nice to give in because I fucking loved him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I finally got around to writing the rest of the chapter! Hope you like it!

Mercy's POV:

The keys plunked harshly from my demanding fingers purposely messing up the notes in a frustrated eloquence. It still wasn't right. Nothing was right anymore. There were only a couple of days until the wedding and I couldn't play the fucking song that had become a placeholder for what really needed to be said.

"Mercy, the song is fine. Just use it," Harry insisted with a heavy sigh.

He was too sweet to be genuinely annoyed but his brow was furrowed with worry, thought lines carved into his forehead from the stress he was under.

"I know. It's just. I mean- It's not real, Harry. It doesn't sound right because it sounds like what you're supposed to say instead of what you're really feeling," I insisted, eyebrows knitted together in concentration, trying to get my stubborn brain to work.

He tossed the music aside, catching my hand in his and letting his abnormally long fingers curl around mine. I gaped, quirking an eyebrow in question but he just shook his head and nuzzled into me, his other hand reaching up to cup my cheek. My breath caught in my throat. It was more out of shock than anything, the way that his green eyes bore into mine had me waiting with bated breath.

"Well then write it again. Let it come to you. Don't force it. Don't think about what they want to hear or what they mean to each other. Think about Louis think about what he means to you because if you don't try a different tactic then it'll end up sounding awkward and forced. An artist has to pour their soul into their work. That's what makes them great," Harry whispered furiously, gaze intense and insistent.

I smiled at him gratefully, stiffly nodding against the resistance of his head on mine before we jumped apart, startled by the slamming of a door. No one in sight. I didn't need to see them to know who it must have been. What he must've thought. But I couldn't go after him. I was cemented to the piano bench, no hope of breaking free as Harry grinned apologetically.

I had a song to write.

 

 

Liam's POV:

"Love you so much," Zayn whined, nails scrabbling at my back as I sank into his tight heat, eyes squeezing shut as I tried not to come from how fucking good he felt wrapped around my cock.

"Love you too, fuck. Don't ever forget me," I growled, fingers curling around the back of his neck, elbows keeping my gorgeous boyfriend folded in half as I pounded into him.

"Never. Fuck, I'll walk everywhere if I have to," Zayn cried out, pouty lips parting enticingly as I hit his prostate dead on, making sure to stab at it on every thrust.

I grunted as I plunged deeper, biting into Zayn's shoulder as he clenched and came, come shooting all over our chests, mixing with the sweat. I groaned, burying myself in his arse one last time, finally letting the powerful heat in my stomach wash over me.

I collapsed on top of Zayn, letting his legs fall, spread around me as I tried to catch my breath, feeling the way that his body slid against mine, still slick.

It'd been weeks since Louis's accident and we were still going at it like crazy every time we saw each other, never wanting to waste a moment. Louis and Mercy had taught us that nothing could last forever no matter how perfect and we were going to cherish the time we had together, never wanting to take the other for granted. We couldn't see our relationship ending in the near future, but neither had our friends.

"Don't have to walk everywhere, but you're never allowed to leave my sight unless absolutely necessary," I chuckled, softly pushing his fringe back from where it was plastered to his sweaty forehead, marveling at the inky blackness.

"Good, 'cause I'm lazy as fuck. I'd make you carry me," Zayn laughed, pressing a kiss to my chin, fingertips tracing over my spine and making my shiver, the tacky come and sticky sweat binding us together.

"I wouldn't mind that," I shrugged, kissing his forehead.

A knock on Zayn's bedroom door had us groaning. But even more so when the voice on the other side spoke.

"Let me in you wankers! I know you're in there shagging each other's brains out. I need to talk to you! I saw Mercy with Harry today and they were totally eye fucking each other. I need emotional support or some shit like that. Unless you have food. You know, that works better. I like food. Food is good, it doesn't make out with your mate," Louis whimpered, his shouting having faded to a sullen, broken murmur.

I grumbled as I carefully pulled out of Zayn, both of us wincing as we wandered around, cleaning up and dressing, even opening the windows a bit to air out the heavy stench of sex clinging to the room.

I unlocked the door, opening it to find an exhausted, upset looking Louis. He just looked so sad, so heartbroken as he slumped his way into the room, all but collapsing on the very edge of the bed, Zayn at the window seat, blowing smoke out the window.

"I seriously doubt they were eye fucking, Lou. Harry's had his hands and mouth full with Niall lately. Irish bastard finally gave that curly headed twat a chance. 'Bout time too, was getting tired of Harry's whinging. Have enough to deal with between you and Mercy," Zayn scoffed.

"What a way with words you have Z, it's a wonder why you don't have more boys begging for a go at your arse," Louis deadpanned.

Zayn shot him a powerful glare that had me wanting him to fuck him into the mattress all over again. I mean, honestly, like. My boyfriend is proper beautiful.

"Don't take it out on me if you can't handle your ex hanging out with someone else," Zayn breathed, smoke billowing out in a cloud.

"She shouldn't be my ex," Louis sighed, scrubbing a hand over his face.

"No, she shouldn't," I agreed, clapping my hand on his shoulder, and sinking down next to him, letting his head fall onto my shoulder.

 

 

Mercy's POV:

Everything was a blur of color contrasted with the black and white of the wedding party. The ceremony was gorgeous, what I could remember anyways. It all blended together in one long, suck fest of misery as I pasted a smile on my face, blinding and dripping with fake sincerity. I was happy for them, ecstatic even, watching the love that lit up their faces, and the pure joy. It was a sight to behold, the sun even shone especially for them and I wondered if Louis and I were always meant to end up broken, just so this could be in existence.

I stealed myself, taking deep, calming breaths. I was up on stage with Harry and Niall and the rest of the band at the reception, waiting for the happy couple to arrive. There were family members milling about, taking advantage of the open bar and the buzz of chatter filled the room.

But I was numb, everything around me was moving, spinning in a whirlwind of noise and laughter and merriment. I couldn't feel it. All I could feel was the stare of a blue eyed boy burning into my back. I nervously wrapped and unwrapped a microphone cord around my hand, watching as my fingers turned purple then faded back to a pale white.

Jay and Uncle David's first dance was going to my song. Mine and Louis's more like. The song that had been just waiting to escape, that was trapped inside me, rattling my bones until it burst out with a violent shower of sparks. Harry abandoned the pretense of tuning the piano and strode over to me, large hands settling on my shoulder as he towered above me. He was tall, always had been, but I was short.

I was short. Small. So small in comparison to the world. In comparison to everything. By myself I was nothing, a barely functioning mess reliant on everyone around me. With Louis I was big, boosted by his love and his affection. He made me feel like together we could conquer anything, be bigger than anyone. Because he was mine and I was his. He had a way of making all the doubts, all the pain and all the bullshit disappear in a cloud of nothingness because as long as he loved me then none of it mattered.

Ten minutes later I was sitting at the piano, mic propped in front of me and the crowd waiting for me to begin. I shifted uncomfortably, eyes scanning the sea of people until they locked with Louis's from where he stood lurking in the shadows.

"Um, hi. Hi. Uh, when I found out about my parents' relationship, it was definitely the biggest shock of my life, but I guess I shouldn't really have been all that surprised. What I do know though, is that no two people deserve to be happy more than them. They raised me and loved me and, in more ways than one, they saved me. I could never be more grateful to anyone, just for being amazing. And, well, thank you and congratulations, I am truly happy to have you both in my life, to be able to call you family. I hope you like the song," I stuttered out, earning beaming smiled from my new parents and an encouraging nod from my new step brother.

Fuck me.

I took a shaky breath and glanced at Harry who met my gaze with a grim recognition before the intro started and I was singing. Uncle David gathered Jay's hands and they took to the dancefloor.

You're in my arms, and all the world is calm.  
The music playing on for only two.  
So close, together.  
And when I'm with you  
So close, to feeling alive.

 

I looked back to Louis, found him in the same spot just-staring.

A life goes by,  
Romantic dreams must die.  
So I bid my goodbye  
And never knew.  
So close, was waiting,  
Waiting here with you.  
And now, forever, I know  
All that I wanted  
to hold you so close.

Our eyes were saying everything we couldn't. They were shouting, screaming across the ballroom, reaching and stretching, trying desperately to keep the connection.

So close to reaching  
That famous happy end.  
Almost believing  
This one's not pretend.  
And now you're beside me,  
And look how far we've come.  
So far we are. So close...

Searing hot tears were threatening to spill over, the lights, the glow, the people all became irrelevant. I fought the sadness, the grief that was making my heart ache. Nothing was ever going to be the same again. Never.

Oh how could I face the faceless days  
If I should lose you now?

But I was losing him. I was losing him forever. I could see it, see it in the way that Jay smiled at my uncle, see it in the way that Louis's jaw clenched.

  
 _We're so close to reaching_  
that famous happy end,  
And almost believing,  
this one's not pretend.  
Let's go on dreaming  
for we know we are...  
so close, so close  
and still so far...

 

The last notes resonated in my chest, thrummed through my veins as potently as any form of fire Louis had every induced with a heated touch or look. It was everything. Like Louis. He was **_everything._**

******

I was standing there just taking everything in. I had spent an exhausting hour fielding questions and accepting praise for my song. But now I was hiding, letting the throng of people unknowingly conceal me from their clutches, letting Harry and Niall distract them with their charm. The devastatingly cute couple made you feel like your mouth was filled with cavities, honestly, I'd need a trip to the dentist after this wedding between Narry and fucking Ziam.

They had even given themselves couple nicknames, the bastards, inadvertantly throwing their giddiness in everyone else's faces. They almost outshone the pair of the day, but they never really could. My parents exuded a radiance that rivaled the one that Louis had always possessed, but never quite reaching that level of brilliance.

"Is it pathetic that I wish we were them?" I asked, eyes tracking the movement of our parents as they swooped across the floor. Those dancing lessons had really paid off.

"No, I've wished from the moment they announced the engagement that we could be in their places," he sighed, just the barest sliver of an inch away from touching me.

I fought the urge to lean back into him like I had done so many times before, to feel the way that his strong arms contracted as he held me tight. It was a struggle when all I wanted was to be enveloped in his arms, tipping my head back against his shoulder as we swayed to the slow melody the band played. My entire body was trembling with the need to touch, to feel, as I stayed paralyzed where I was.

"Are you saying you want to marry me Louis Tomlinson?" I asked dazedly, turning my head ever so slightly, able to catch the way that his blue eyes watered a bit, glassy and slightly unfocused.

"Yes," he replied simply, inhaling sharply at the admission and the way that his voice broke.

My breath hitched in my throat, "If only we could have that."

I wanted it. I wanted it so bad. I wanted him. The aching in my chest throbbed violently as it called for the heart that'd been torn from it mere months ago.

"We have tonight, darling," Louis whispered, finally reaching out to slip a warm hand over my hip and plastering himself to my back.

I shivered, goosebumps breaking out over my skin as his hot breath ghosted over my neck. I could feel his erratic pulse as his heart beat in tandem with mine. Just as it always had. I sighed and let myself melt into my ex boyfriend, my new step brother, for just a moment, letting his love wash over me as we breathed each other in.

And just like I had imagined, we swayed. We moved in sync just as our lips always had. It was scary how well we knew the other's body, how well we fit together and how easy it was for our breathing to match up. It felt like hot, electric shocks were shooting through me. My body was alight with the love, with the atmosphere, with the safety.

I could feel his heart beating against my back, feel the way that it leant me his strength to survive this, to live through the suffering being inflicted. I was being showered with hot, pin prickling breath, soft kisses peppered along the back of my neck, my bare shoulder, the curve of my collarbone. I melted further, knees almost buckling when his tongue flicked out, tasting skin and sliding wetly over my throat, tracing over the shell of my ear.

"I can't stop fucking loving you," he breathed harshly, squeezing me tighter before I was being carefully turned around, always in the circle of his arms.

I buried my face in his chest, fingers fumbling to grasp the lapels of his blazer, inhaling sharply. He smelled like he always did, like a hint of cologne and detergent and just the slightest bit of freshly mown grass. Just-Louis.

Skilled fingers were threading themselves in my hair, carding through the carefully styled strands as his mouth pressed to my temple and my hands slid to his back. I dug my manicured nails into his shoulders, scrabbling for purchase and I had flashes of moments when I did the same thing with a lot less clothes.

"Can't stop loving you either," I confessed lowly, barely audible.

But I knew he heard me. I knew by the way that his breath hitched and his hand tugged gently at my waves. He heard me and everything else that I wasn't saying aloud.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY posting this chapter. I think this story is definitely coming to a close soon, and I really hope that everyone is satisfied with the ending!

Mercy's POV:

It hurt. Everything **_hurt_**. But living with that pain? It became easier, more manageable. By the time graduation rolled around I was able to function, I was able to get through the day without wanting to take another knife to my wrist.

It wasn't easy, living with Louis. We didn't know how to act around each other any more than we did before, but that problem was soon solved when he got his acceptance letter a college we'd both applied for. He left, moved out of the house and into his own apartment near school while I stayed behind, living with our parents and the girls.

It was summer, hot and humid even with the overcast skies, everything thrown into a haze of gray. I was working, saving up, spending time with "Narry" and "Ziam" when I felt like leaving my room. Which wasn't very often.

I still saw Louis, saw the smile that crinkled the corners of his blueblue eyes. I saw him, in the cafe I'd gotten a job in, holding hands with a pretty blonde girl with eyes just as oceanic as his own. They looked perfect together, happy, even. They were everything that Louis and I couldn't be. Free, public. **_And it hurt so fucking bad_**.

It felt like the heart that had been ripped from my chest just a couple months before had suddenly been thrown into a juicer and reduced to a liquidy pulp. My eyes widened in horror as they laughed together, completely oblivious to my presence before I numbly mumbled an excuse to my supervisor, Barbara, and ripped off my apron, darting into the back room.

I found a dark corner and hunched over, crouching and caving in on myself. It felt like my body was about to implode, something rupturing inside of me until I was sobbing silently. I convulsed, wracked with the heavy weight that was the pain and love I carried. I don't know how long I stayed there. But I was suddenly being enveloped by soft arms and a soothing voice cooing in my ear.

Eventually I calmed down enough to call Zayn, to beg him to pick me up, take me to the place he shared with Liam and never let me leave again. It only worked for a few days until Harry was there, cuddling up to me like the fucking koala he was, wrapping his octopus like limbs around me. He murmured reassurances in my ear and sang to me, his curls shaking wildly with laughter every time he slowly recounted a story about his boyfriend.

By the time school rolled around, whoever that girl was, was gone, according to Liam. It didn't matter to me anymore, at least, that's what I tried to tell myself. It's just-It threw everything into question for me if Louis could move on that fucking fast.

But I couldn't focus on that. Not when I was buried under a mountain of work from my creative writing class and my music composition one. I hadn't written anything that meant something in a long time and I couldn't just keep bullshitting my homework. Eventually my teachers would catch on.

I just missed him so much. Every time I went to bed I was helpless to my wandering mind and the thoughts that came when I screamed myself awake. I wasn't living. I was existing. Barely breathing.

Everytime I sat and watched TV or Grease I kept turning to look for Louis's reaction to something I found funny or knew he loved. Each time I was walking down the street I kept expecting him to be there, babbling on inanely about some pedestrian we were passing to make me laugh. And when I came home every day from my job I was just waiting for him to just be lounging on my bed so I could tell him all about the crazy shit I'd seen.

But I hadn't seen Louis in two months. Hadn't talked to him in three. And hadn't stopped loving him since I fell so hard.

******

It wasn't my phone that woke me up. No, I was awake before that, numbly lying in bed, tossing and turning listlessly, trying to shake the anxiousness that had slowly begun to curl it's way through my body. A vine of nervousness that was carving an imprint of itself into my skin, accompanied by a neverending itch.

It was as if my body were waiting for it. Waiting for the inevitable vibrating of my phone to calm me, like the energized way it crept towards the edge of the bedside table would counteract the buzzing in my bones.

I hurriedly snatched my cell, thumbing the lock screen carelessly, "Hello?"

"Mercy?" the familiar rasp crackled, unsually deep.

"Lou?" I inquired, hesitantly, slowly sitting up, the blankets pooling in my lap.

"I need- I need you, please," he whimpered pitifully, tone thick with tears.

"I'm on my way, baby. Don't move," I promised, frantically throwing myself out of bed and hurtling towards the front door without a second thought.

It didn't matter that I was barely clothed. It didn't matter that the rain outside poured in icy sheets as I sprinted for my car. All that mattered was Louis's small, pleading voice - the one that was laden with pain - and the relieved "Thank you" before the line cut off.

I drove through the night, the dark, endless night. Moon obstructed by the heavy, gray clouds, not even a prick of starlight able to break through like a shining beacon. The only interruption of the silence was the violent insistence in which the fat rain drops splashed against my windshield, the wipers not doing much to ward them off.

It took about an hour to get to Louis's, longer than it should've; but I didn't want to risk skidding or crashing in the damp, blackness only sparsely illuminated by the headlights of other cars along with mine. I sucked in a deep breath, shivering slightly from the bitter cold of the rain as I ran to Louis's building. I took the stairs two at a time until my lungs decided to collapse in on themselves and I dragged my feet.

Two short raps on the door. Five seconds of waiting. One long moment to take in the way that Lou's eyes were rimmed red, blown wide with a childish innocence that I hadn't seen in a very long time. His nose was tinged red, cheeks stained with the tears shed and flushed with sadness, hair longer, almost shaggy in it's unkemptness.

Louis fell into me, body draping heavily over mine as though he'd finally just given up, let his knees buckle and caved. He enveloped me in his arms, tightening them like he was holding on for dear life, like I was the air he needed to survive. I clung to him, balling his shirt in my fists, pushing closer and practically herding him into his apartment.

I kicked the door shut behind me and gently guided him to the couch. Louis sank down gratefully, sliding out of my grasp as though his bones were suddenly rubbery, pliant and warm. I quirked an eyebrow, silently asking him what he wanted, what he needed. His soft hand encased mine, fingers grazing electrically over my wrist in a shudder inducing shock. A whisper of a tug, and I was tumbling into Louis's lap, back leaning on the arm rest and heels settled against the side of his thigh.

Arms were wrapped securely around my waist and his head was abruptly buried my in chest, feathery hair tickling underneath my chin. I pressed my lips to the nape of his neck, hugging Louis to me and thumbing over his cheek soothingly, letting his warm, salty tears drip onto my skin. I felt them trace a path over my breast as if they were my own, as if Louis's sorrow was trying to embed itself within me as it escaped. I would have gladly taken it but I couldn't, it was impossible, so I just held him tighter, curling my body up and letting him hunch into me.

"She's gone. My nan is gone, M," Louis sniffled quietly.

I don't know how long we'd been sitting there. It was long enough for Lou to stop trembling like a leaf fighting to free itself from a stubborn tree on a cold winter's day. It was long enough for him to stop crying and the heat emanating from his body to seep into mine, warming me from the outside in and sending a warm glow blooming from every point of contact our skin made.

"I'm sorry, Lou. I'm so sorry," I murmured, lips grazing over his neck as I ran my fingers through his hair.

He let out a shuddering gasp, burrowing further into me, breath ghosting hotly over my collarbone and his grip on my forearm tightening. My heart skipped a beat, twisting painfully as though it were being squeezed harshly by my suffocating rib cage.

"Tell me what I can do. Tell me what you need," I begged quietly. I had to help him. I had to do something, the longing to see him smile, to make him feel better overwhelming me with a desperate intensity.

"Just need you. Always need you," he whispered, lifting his head.

Our lips brushed lightly, a kiss smeared to the corner of my mouth as Louis readjusted, drawing back enough to cup my cheek and capture my lips properly. I melted instantly, feeling my body turn to liquid as Louis's mouth deliberately covered mine, tongue slowly licking inside.

I inhaled sharply, letting our lips mold together like they were meant to as his tongue delved deeper, so tantalizing and hot. I sucked lightly, just to hear the soft groan that it always elicited while I ran the tip of my tongue under the length of his.

Nimble fingers tangled in my wet hair, flexing and pulling, making me gasp brokenly into his mouth as he licked over my teeth before using his own to scrape my lower lip. The roughness of his stubble rasped against my cheek as he nosed across it, until he was mouthing hotly over my neck, nipping with a teasing edge.

"Louis," I breathed, thumbing over his jaw, smudging a biting kiss there and letting my forehead fall against his temple.

"Please, Mercy. Just- please," he murmured, shaking his head.

His eyes were so blue, glassy and unfocused, like he was already past the point of no return. Lips pink and puffy from the way that he kissed me with so much urgency, a small lovebite purpling where I'd bit him harder than I'd meant to on his jaw.

And the pure love shining, radiating. He was burning again, pulling me in with his unwavering gravity as if the sun inside him, the eternal light that had always caught my attention was ignited once more. And I couldn't resist. I never was good at saying no to Louis, never able to not give him everything I could.

"Carry me?" I requested, arms wrapping around his neck, one hand lacing through the soft strands of his hair, as I slid in his lap until my calves were bracketing his thighs.

"Yeah, darling, always," he promised, strong hands gripping my butt as he stood, carefully making his way through the small apartment to his room.

We stopped every couple of steps, my back practically slamming against a wall so Louis's mouth could claim mine, so his tongue could pry my lips open and he could redden the bottom one with his teeth even further.

I was being lowered onto his bed, underneath him, legs falling open so he could settle on top of me completely. I could feel every line, edge, curve through our clothes, feel where he was hard in his sweats. Could feel his heart pounding in his chest, so violently it felt as though his heartbeat had become mine, reverberating and ricocheting along with pleasure, coursing through me as we slowly undressed.

We touched every part of each other that we could, needy lips roaming every inch of skin, covering a hardened nipple, sucking a mark into a neck. It was as if we were slowly becoming one, entertwining until we were knotted together and it was impossible to escape. Then again, that's how it had always been, hadn't it?

I let out a whimpering moan, the gentle caress of Louis's hand skimming over my breast as his cock teased my entrance, slipping over my clit and making me quiver in his arms.

"Turn over, love. Want you close," Louis breathed, lips brushing over mine, fingers biting into my hip as he guided me gently.

I rolled onto my side, Louis's front along the length of my back, plastered together with a thin sheen of sweat and love and want and need. He pushed in slowly, letting me adjust and stretch around his cock, hand pressing into my stomach, lips seeking mine.

I craned my head around, mouths meeting with a mewling that was eagerly swallowed as Louis finally started moving. Everything was buidling, achingly slowly, the strain of our muscles, the throb of his cock inside me, the bare friction dragging deliciously. The way that our mouths never seemed to want to part ever again. Just lips slotting together, gliding wetly as we panted, reveling in the feeling of being together.

"Love you so much, baby. Missed you. This-Us. **_Fuck_** , need you," Louis ground out, driving in harder, hips snapping, cock twitching and hitting my sweet spot perfectly.

"You have me. Always. Loveyouloveyouloveyou," I chanted, hand burying in his hair and lips crashing onto his.

Building. Building. Building. Hot and low in the pit of my stomach, Louis's blunt nails digging into the soft flesh, feeling the way that it contracted and tensed. Crashing. I cried out, mouth dropping open and body writhing under Lou's touch, arching, hips grinding back against his.

A loud moan, cock jerking before pulsing hotly, come spilling and Louis's sporadic, sloppy thrusts before he stilled deep inside me.

I was utterly relaxed and pliant as Louis carefully pulled out just to gather me up in his arms, slowly softening dick pressed against my back. We were covered in sweat and I could feel Louis's come dripping down my thigh and onto the sheets but I couldn't bring myself to leave him even to clean up a bit. I never had before, I wasn't sure why I thought it was even a possibility then.

"Stay with me," Louis muttered, tongue flicking out to lick my neck, to sink his teeth in and claim.

I laced my fingers through his on my tummy, drawing his arm tighter around me until his palm was over my heart, feeling how it beat only for him, "Forever."

He sighed contentedly, squeezing me tighter to him, thumb softly stroking the underside of my breast as his breathing began to even out. I opened my eyes blearily for a moment, the digital clock on Lou's beside table glowing faintly in the darkness.

2:03 am and my world began spinning again, revolving around the sun that had finally returned with a blinding flash of pain and love, no longer extinguished. Somehow we'd figure it out.

I hummed lowly, letting exhaustion finally get the best of me, slipping into a dreamless sleep, no longer restless as I had been. Not with Louis finally beside me, holding me, the warmth of his even breathing washing over my sated body with a heavenly gentleness and the whisper of his lips brushing over the nape of my neck.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally just finished this and only kind of sort of went over it so hopefully there aren't too many mistakes. I really hope you all like it! I really loved writing Louis and Mercy's story!

Mercy's POV:

Light was illuminating the room. Actual, sunlight, streaking across the carpet and shining in my eyes. The gray spell that had been cast over the city was finally broken, fragmented rays of gold threading themselves into my life.

I rolled over in bed, muscles that hadn't been used in too long protesting the movement as I stretched, slowly sitting upright. I blinked blearily, eyes finally adjusting to the brightness that was pouring through the slats of the window shades. The bed beside me was empty, devoid of any warmth when I reached over to feel the soft, familiar sheets.

Panic welled up inside me as I frantically grabbed the shirt Louis had been wearing the night before, slipping it over my head before I was hurriedly padding towards the living room. Soft clinking noises were coming from the small kitchen and I heaved a sigh of relief, shoving a hand through my tangled waves as I quietly made my way into it.

Louis was there, bustling absently about with plain black briefs slung low on his hips. I smiled, slow and tiny, just the corners of my lips turning upwards as his hair was flicked out of his eyes with a jerk of the head. I hesitantly broke his concentration, stepping onto the cold tile, feeling the solidness of it beneath me as I faced the love of my life with no idea of what was about to happen.

He immediately paralyzed me with an intense stare, blue eyes sparkling icily but softly before his face split into a pleased grin. I returned it easily, letting my shoulders slump and my body relaxed as Louis pulled me into his arms and planted a gentle kiss to my lips. Our foreheads rested together as we both laughed under our breath, more grateful than anything.

"Didn't burn down the place then?" I finally inquired lowly, fingers playing with the wisps of of hair at the nape of his neck, gripping tightly to draw myself closer.

"Wanted to surprise you," Louis replied instead of answering, thumb stroking reverently over my cheek.

"Already did, love," I told him, bumping my nose against his.

"Yeah, I know." He sucked in a sharp breath, eyes closing as he wrapped me up in his arms until I was pressed fully into his chest and his head was settled atop mine.

"It's going to be okay, Lou," I promised, feeling the way that his heart beat underneath my lips.

"Yeah, it will be. I have you." I could almost see the look on his face. The one filled with so much adoration, affection, love. The one that we had perfected.

We stayed there, holding each other in the middle of his tiny kitchen, enveloped by the love and happiness brought along with it. He'd be okay. **_We'd_** be okay.

******

"So, you guys are back together?" Zayn repeated slowly, sat next to Liam in the pub we'd all decided to mee in.

It was close to campus, a college bar. I was sat in Louis's lap, an arm securing me in place as I laughed at the goofy faces Niall was pulling at Harry. The two really were adorable. Like little kittens in a box, just overwhelming you with their cuteness.

"Yeah," Louis nodded shortly, taking a long gulp of Coke.

I had a feeling he'd pointedly ordered it because he knew how hard it was for me to even be in a bar, much less have to kiss him with alcohol on his breath. I was already wrinkling my nose and fighting the urge to puke as it was. The other boys had taken note of Louis's choice and decided that they'd stay sober too, but it didn't mean that the room didn't still reek of alcohol.

We were all trying to have a good time. It was karoke night and watching the drunk, bumbling fools onstage was hilarious. They were the kind of drunk I could deal with. Happy and sated, with lazy smiles and genuine laughs spilling from their mouths as they stumbled through classic songs.

But Zayn caught my eye when everyone was distracted, whiskey eyes burning with indecision as they flicked between me and Louis. One perfectly arched eyebrow and I got the message.

Are you sure?

I nodded discreetly, tipping my head with a soft smile, reaching up to brush my fingertips over Louis's stubble covered jaw, following the line of it to his lips. He chuckled, lips parting for his teeth to nip at my hand. I giggled, smudging a kiss to his mouth before turning back to Zayn.

He gave me a satisfied smirk before he pursed his lips and both brows reached for his hairline, eyes radiating a threat.

He could hurt you again. And I'll kill him.

I looked back to Louis, took in the sharp cheekbones, the crinkles by his eyes, the bow of his lips, the muscled body with a perfect softness and couldn't help the fond. Knew it was plastered all over my face, could feel the weight of Zayn's acceptance blanketing me with a warmth that none other could rival.

I may have been the one broken but Zayn was there to help pick up the pieces. He had to watch everything. Watch the pain, see the hurt, feel the emptiness. He was still there, witnessing all the hard work, all that struggle pay off, transforming into bliss.

******

It was two more days until Louis asked me to move in with him. Until I packed up what I needed and incorporated myself into Louis's new life. And everything was as perfect as it could get. I helped Louis pay the bills, I was out of the house where I was reminded every day of why Lou and I shouldn't be, and our family was none the wiser.

Lottie was probably the only person who suspected anything. But it didn't matter. Nothing really mattered anymore because we had everything we'd ever wanted and needed. We had each other, we had great friends, a great family and we tolerated work and school.

It was less than a year until I became emancipated. It was something I'd been looking into actually. Something that would allow me what I wanted most. To be with Louis. By the time that everything was signed, sealed and delievered our parents had found out about our relationship. They learned the truth about their children, and neither of them cared. Both of them had expected it. All I could think was that was one big fucking freak out for nothing.

But it was a year later that it happened, that everything changed yet again. When Louis blindfolded me once more and dragged me to an unknown place. I sat in the car, arguing with him about hating surprises for the thousandth time before the we came to stop and I was led out onto what felt like grass.

A soft breeze played across my cheeks, hair twirling in complicated loops in front of my face once the blindfold was carefully pulled off. We were on a soccer field. The same place we'd first met, when I got a soccer ball to the head for my troubles.

I laughed and shook my head, searching for Louis, finding him kneeling in front of me. He took my hand and my jaw dropped as he fished a small, black, velvet box out of his pocket. A hopeful yet hesitant smile lit up his face as he gazed up at me, eyes a dazzling, stormy blue.

"Eight years ago you changed my life. You waltzed in and it was like you had always been there. I'm not one for big speeches, but for some reason you make me want to give them. Because from the time I admitted I loved you, it seems I've been giving a lot of them, yeah?"

"The day I met you, was the day that I found my soulmate. I never really thought I believed in those, y'know? Thought it was a bunch of rubbish that people too stupid to realize that forever was nonexistent just said to each other. But you make me believe in forever. You make me believe in everything I never thought was real, like true love, and that baking really can fix everything, and honestly not minding when you hog the covers sometimes."

"You are the person I want to spend every day with for the rest of my life. I want to wake up with you every morning, want to listen to you sing in the shower and watch you shimmy around the kitchen when you're making dinner. I want to be there for all the ridiculous fights about the washing and who ate the last cookie. And I want to have children with you, want tons of our babies running around the house. And, Christ, I can't stop rambling because there's so much I want to experience with you. So marry me, Mercy. Please, say yes," Louis implored, chest practically heaving as he tried to catch his breath.

Tears were rolling down my cheeks and I pressed a firm hand to my stomach, looking down and tracing over the scar I knew was there. I choked back a sob and shook my head, eyes lifting to take in Louis's crestfallen expression, see the defeated way his shoulders slumped.

"I can't," I breathed shakily, tightening my grip on Louis's loosening hand.

"Why? Just-Why?" he asked frantically, hand coming up to cradle my cheek.

"You've always wanted a big family Lou. I can't give you that. I can't do the one thing a woman should be able to do because my psychopath father stabbed me. He took my mother, he took my childhood, and now he's taking away the ability to give you even just **_one_** baby. I want us to have a family, I want to give you everything you want and deserve because you're everything to me and I **_love_** you. You've given me more than I could have ever dreamed and the one time I feel like maybe I can give you just as much, I physically can't," I cried, eyes boring into his as tears streaked down my cheeks.

"Mercy, baby. Please, no. Don't fucking do that. Don't blame yourself for something that that bastard did. It is no reason not to get married. I want to marry you. I want to spend the rest of my life waking up to hold you in the middle of the night and thanking every god out there for your scars because it means that you're alive. You're with me, and I'm never fucking letting you go again. Nothing ever could make me even consider it. I just want **_you_**. If we have to, when the time comes, we'll adopt. **_I love you, Mercy._** **_Marry me_** ," Louis demanded, eyes piercing and intense before his lips were crashing down on mine.

"Yes," I practically sobbed against his mouth, lips brushing together, hungrily meeting in a frantic, desperate collision.

" ** _Fuck_** , I love you," he breathed raggedly, a dry chuckle escaping his throat as tears of his own tracked down his cheeks.

I wiped them away, tenderly pressing a lingering kiss to his soft lips, eyes fluttering closed as we breathed each other in, foreheads resting together.

"I love you too," I sighed happily, petting at Louis's hair as he held my body firmly to his, hands clawing feverishly at my back, unsatisfied with just one spot.

"Always have to complicate things. Even my proposal, yeah?" he laughed mirthlessly, palm cupping my cheek and thumb stroking absently.

"We never were simple," I reminded him wistfully, a small smile quirking up the corners of both our mouths as we gazed intently at one another.

"No, never. Thank fucking Christ for that too, wouldn't want it any other way," Louis grinned, outright cackling this time, hauling me up in his strong arms and spinning me around joyously.

Yeah, thank fucking Christ, I thought as I threw my head back and wrapped myself around my new fiance.

******

The day of Louis's wedding I donned a dress I thought that I'd never wear, actually styled my hair, and did my makeup. I took deep breaths and tried to contain the racing heart that was threatening to burst from my chest at the thought of Louis getting married. Everything was going to change, the whole world was going to stop and it was quite possible that I might die a slow death.

I avoided my best friend and the love of my life for the entire day, unwilling to risk anything and instead freaked out with Lottie. Zayn and Liam, the disgustingly happy newlyweds, were trying to keep me distracted, from thinking too much about what was going to happen later that day. It worked, for the most part, letting Zayn draw/sketch me, and trying to sit calmly.

It's just. He was getting **_married_**. And I was there, and I couldn't see him. All I wanted was Louis, my Louis. I wanted to kiss him and hold him and be with him. But I couldn't.

I grumbled in the back of my throat when I saw him standing at the alter, his hands clasped loosely in front of him as he waited. I wanted to run up the aisle, dammit. But I didn't. Wasn't allowed. I stayed firmly planted where I was with a sharp pain in my heart and a tight chest, yearning to take his hand with mine.

"I do," Louis murmured, a soft smile that screamed love, curving his lips deliciously.

I knew that smile well, it had been directed at me many times before. My breath caught in my throat and there was a violent clenching in my stomach at those words and that smile. This was it.

"I do," was the whispered response and I catalogued everything about Louis's face, trying to memorize everything about his expression before it was lost forever.

His blue eyes shone with the intensity of his affection for his new wife, and his lips were quirked up in the happiest smirk know to man, soft and pink and oh so kissable. The sharpness of his cheekbones and the strong cut of his jaw were emphasized by the very light stubble that covered his cheeks.

But I couldn't take in the way that his face was alight with giddiness anymore as he leaned forward and his mouth finally met mine, a tongue gentling over my bottom lip teasingly, a promise of what was to come later before we were pulling away to raise our joined hands in front of the cheering crowd of our friends and family.

I giggled uncontrollably as I was pulled closer to my new husband, tucked under his strong arm as we headed back down the aisle, leaning against his muscular frame. I relaxed fully into him, reveling in the light, intimate touches bestowed on me as his hands fluttered. All the anxiety, all the worry and the fear, they melted away the moment that we were announced as man and wife. Because Louis was my everything and we were finally, finally married.

Louis pressed a kiss to my temple, lips lingering before they trailed to my ear, brushing over my skin and sending prickles of heat thrumming through my veins, "I love you, Mercy Tomlinson."

I slipped my fingers through his, lacing them together and nuzzling into his neck, pecking the soft spot just beneath his jaw, "I love you too, Louis Tomlinson."

He gave me one of his signature, mischievous grins before capturing my mouth with his, tongue eagerly licking inside as a firm hand was pressed into my lower back. And yeah, everything was different. But it was the closest to perfect that life could get, with Louis there holding onto me and not letting go. Never again.

We could finally be together, we could finally be happy. And yeah, our lives would always be tinged with the pain of the past but we had the present and the future. We had what we always dreamed of: each other. Because Louis was mine and I was his, and there were rings on our fingers to prove it. Everything. All of it, the heartache and hurt, was worth it to finally be able to freely love each other and shout it to the world if we wanted.

Which apparently is exactly what Louis was doing as he stood up, tugging me with him as the limo drove down the street. Wind blew past us as we popped our heads through the sun roof and screamed that we loved each other to anyone around to listen.

We both collapsed in giggles, naturally falling into each other.

"Mine," Louis growled, easily lifting me into his lap, scraping his teeth over my neck and making me shiver.

"Yours," I hummed agreeably, fingers threading into his hair as Louis's lips trailed a blazing fire to mine. **_His._**

　

_You want to know what pain is? So do I.... For I am not forced to feel it, not with him here, by my side, murmuring the thoughts that cloud his mind and must be spoken before they are chased away by more. It's not the way that his breath ghosts over my neck as he breathes every word of his love, begging me to believe him._

_Pain is not seeing him with others for he is truly in love with me, truly, madly, deeply, forever and always head over heels in love with me. It's not the way he looks at me, for the way that his eyes shine with so much pure, unadulterated affection makes my healed heart beat faster, weighed down by his rejection no more._

_No longer will pain be caused by him but cured by his lips pressing soft kisses to mine. It won't be the way that he holds me tight in his arms as if he's afraid to let go for fear I might disappear, but the thought of life without him **because that is what true pain felt like.**_

 


End file.
